Oh, Rebecca Solnit, what have you done?
A few days ago, I'd been eavesdropping on a conversation in a cafe. Not a wholesome habit, I know, but the profound dialogue in question was taking place at the table behind me and didn't appear to be held in a tone that suggested the speaker intended any kind of discretion.
This animated discussion was taking place between two very metropolitan-looking, smartly dressed girls in their late teens or early adulthood, and while I didn't notice this last aspect until I got up to pay my bill, I knew the voices were female as I picked up my ears when I first heard the snippets of conversation emanating from behind me.
"I don't know why he does it", one was saying, "I told him that I thought the film was brilliant, and he brought it down so badly. It's such a fun movie."
"I know, right?!" Her friend responded, automatically.
"We fought about it. We're always fighting these days. I told him to stop mansplaining to me about my tastes."
One table forward, I cringed when I heard it.
And suddenly, it seems to be everywhere. On social media, in literature, on websites and on my Facebook feed, complete with the annoying hashtag.
#mansplaining.
Most modern-day feminists are proud of this, of course. I'm not quite sure how proud author Rebecca Solnit is any longer, since she first coined the term in 2014, in her recent (and latest) book Men Explain Things to Me.
While I haven't read the book, and therefore cannot comment on how relevant and logical the origin of this phenomenon is, I can say for sure that the movement it created turned into a sickening social malady on par with stage five cancer.
What is Mansplaining? some would ask. A good place to begin. Google, the quickest of tools for obtaining information, defines mansplaining as (of a man) explain (something) to someone, typically a woman, in a manner regarded as condescending or patronizing.
At the 2017 Jaipur Literary festival, writer and journalist Bee Rowlatt described the experience of being mansplained to as being "talked over and crushed in conversation".
I would simply prefer to define the term as 'a terrible way to disregard an opinion, shut down rational debate and term a male acquaintance as a bigot even though he may not actually be one.'
Because that's what this term 'mansplaining' actually is. It is a term that can be thrown without justification at any man, in the midst of civil debate, just to render anything he said prior to its usage null and void. The problem with this term is that it curtails free speech, and any kind of equality in civil debate. And mind you, this is what early feminists fought fervently for- freedom of expression and equality. Today's feminism- fourth wave feminism- turns free speech on its head, lashing out against all men, and even their own sex (basically anyone who has a different opinion), terming them misogynist and anti-feminist. They disregard their views entirely and pigeonhole them as 'bigoted'.
Feminists today consider it inappropriate for a man to express his opinion on a topic they claim 'to obviously know more about'. This would include women's issues and virtually everything else under the sun. A man is dead meat dare he venture to suggest to a woman anything about her diet, job, hobbies, or even just recent developements in scientific research. They cut up his opinion, chew on it and divine some sexist flavour at its heart. Then they call it mansplaining and terminate what would be a fair, if not interesting, exchange of information. They don't seem to understand that even if they are dealing with a bigot, shutting him up won't change the way he thinks.
But I'm rambling, and we're forgetting the main chink in this term's armour. Mansplaining isn't a gender specific term, for the most part.
Think about it for a minute.
There have been times I've had a female teacher override me within a conversation. Being a self-confessed nerd, I've 'mansplained' to my friends quite often, and still feel rotten about it. The auntie next door dresses me down about my neglect of Hindi and fluency in the English language (a valid point, but she doesn't let me get a word in on how it happened), and I've been 'mansplained' over and over again by feminist friends, and waited patiently until I could get a word in and tell them that I knew what they were talking about, but could we please look at it this way...
Sure, there are men who mansplain, and I've come across them, too. But I haven't noticed any differences in the way that they go about it when compared to the women who do it. At the end of the day, I'd just chalk it up to a large ego- a very human trait.
It is silly, to be honest, to target solely this term, when it is an entire movement that's souring and beginning to collapse under its own weight. Feminism has made some stupid decisions of late, and had some insane ideas- but hell, mansplaining has been about the worst. Not to mention the trivialisation of rape, with many women claiming to feel 'raped' when a man looks at her funny or even farts too loud (not kidding about this one, google it).
As a woman who is tired with the victim complex flaunted by feminists today, I wish we would infuse the movement with a little more sense. We aren't fragile, sensitive snowflakes, and shouldn't aspire- or encourage other women and girls- to be. There are more pressing issues regarding women to be dealt with, such as rape and reproductive rights. There are countries and regions where our sisters haven't felt the tread of feminism at all. We should be focused on larger concerns.
As for mansplaining, we need to remember that nobody is going to hand us our rights in conversation, or anywhere else in life. If you feel 'talked over and crushed', tell the person, goddammit. Open that pretty mouth of yours and tell them, 'I'm sorry, but you haven't been listening to my opinion'. Walk away if they don't let you talk, because that isn't a conversation, that's a monologue and you don't need to be an audience.
It's time we we honour fair debate and a sensible exchange of perspectives. Reinvent feminism for equality, not whiny superiority. Get rid of #mansplaining unless you want to #missconstrue everything.
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